Sunday, 11 January 2009

A few of my least favourite things

Ok, so it's that time again. I've bit my lip, held my tongue and generally walked away from things and people that annoy me since my last outburst.

Excited beyond belief that there are episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on telly here in Dubai, let me exercise some Buffy-style bluntness.

I think English magazines are crap. They go on and on about hideous fashion, encourage girls to get fake nails and tans and boobs and hair and pretty much anything else that's replaceable and in general are just obnoxious. Clearly the writers and editors have never got their hands on a copy of The Australian Woman's Weekly. Now there's a good read. It even has cool, easily cookable recipes inside.

After a particularly painful circuit session at the gym that has compounded the pain in my abs from two days ago, I decided a hot oil bath and a read of a trashy magazine I found in the stack on our lounge room table was in order. I decided on Glamour, which states on the top in big bold letters that it's "Britain's No 1 Women's Magazine". This rubbish mag contains so many eye-popping double standards that my educated brain is strugging to comprehend them all! It starts by belching out the fact that we women should embrace our bodies, love who we are and damn any man who makes us feel otherwise. Ok, check, I agree with all of these comments, but stopped short when I read a rather ridiculous sex survey entitled ''Would you rather....?" It consists of questions, the answers given in percentages and then a clever, witty comment (read condescending and crass) from the editing department.

A perfect example: Would you rather ... sleep with a chubby man or a skinny man? While 42% of readers who responded would rather a chubby man, 58% opted for the skinny bloke. Whatever floats your boat really, but the ensuing comment has really got under my skin: ''You'll take a man with svelter thighs than a human trampoline any day".

Seriously? SERIOUSLY?! First the magazine is rabbiting on about how important self esteem is and how we should strive to be happy in our own skin ... blah blah blah ... but it sees no problem in implying that men who aren't stick thin are unattractive? Personally, I prefer my men real - the ability to make me laugh, smile and feel like they value what I've got to say does far more for me than what colour his tan is, or if he's got freckles or ... gasp ... love handles. I'm a real woman and have no issues in declaring that yes, I have cellulite and stretch marks from a lack of zinc in my diet as a pre-teen. I go to the gym at least 3 times a week, take pride in my appearance and think that any man who doesn't like what he sees can bugger off. I also think that there are so many wonderful people out there who are being overlooked as a result of the warped double standards that many young girls are forming after reading their country's similarly named ''No 1 Women's Magazine". For God's sake ladies, your brain cells are being shrunk by all the time you're spending in the sunbeds and the fumes you're inhaling in the nail salons. How about taking some of your own advice and becoming a woman who lives and not a woman who lunches??

Society is consumed by a need to be the same as everyone else. We all wear the same clothes, do the same things and apparently have the same catch cries. A few years ago Lindsay Lohan and her Mean Girls were constantly saying "shut up!!!!", which inevitably filtered through into the everyday speach of movie-goers. If I read one more magazine that says something is "bang on trend'' I think I'll just scream. Call me intollerant if you will but honestly, is it impossible to think that ALL of the female fashion magazines out there might be able to find another phrase to describe something that's currently in fashion? Brisvegas (Australian slang for Brisbane) and random also top my list of most hated sayings.

Also, if I see another person wearing one of those hideously ugly checkered scarves that look just like what Arabic men wear on their heads or my Nanna puts on her kitchen table I might just vomit. Big vomit.

1 comment:

carlos said...

woooah!! hey there!! kind of discovered this blog by mistake...and a good surprise it turned out to be. I confess.

gonna read some more post,cause you've got me hooked up here with your statements, subtle remarks and laid-back humor...

regarding the chicken gonna do some CSI, with DNA research and "police-line-do-not-cross" stuff...promise i'll find out what happened..

ohh..almost joinin EK this theres a hint how i found you.