A Ruski New Year

So I just had the most awesome new years ever! I was rostered a flight to Moscow and really tried to ditch it, as I didn't want to go out in the freezing sub-arctic sleet-winds but sadly no-one would give me their good flights. I've just been struck down with another sinus infection 2 weeks ago and have just recovered. Doctor's orders: if you're going to go out in Moscow, rug up super warm because it's not a good idea in your condition. So what did I do? I packed my dvd player, 2 really good books and all the stuff to do a facial and resigned myself to a dull new years. I purposely didn't pack my warm jacket, boots, scarf, gloves and all that jazz because I knew that I'd be naughty and go out when I shouldn't. Sooooo I got into briefing in the morning and the crew were cool. They were chattering about going into the Red Square and I couldn't believe how much of an IDIOT I was for not packing my stuff. New Years in the Red Square??? How often does THAT happen?

My resolve to not go out lasted until I saw the snow. Where there's a will there's a way. While I might not have packed my nice jacket, Emirates has been kind enough to give me a lovely cashmere overcoat for such trips and I decided that jacket and I were going to have the adventure to end all adventures. I discovered on opening my suitcase that I didn't have shoes either. Thongs and sneakers were my options and there was no way my feet would leave the hotel in thongs. So I decided to team my beige coat with my mega ugly brown cabin shoes and make the journey. I didn't even care if the crew laughed at me, I was going out.

There was a massive party in the captain's room and I managed to procure a pair of gloves, a scarf, an extra pair of socks AND the captain's navy blue work coat (far more attractive than my ugly beige one) and we were off! There are pictures floating around somewhere of me comparing my exposed belly with that of an Aussie boy on the crew - if anyone knows who has them, I'd love a copy. After 1 beer, I switched to some lethal paint-stripper Russian vodka that severely messed me up. I have no recollection of getting to the station across the road from the hotel but do remember the journey. All of a sudden we were there and I've never seen so many people! We wanted to see the fireworks but were on the wrong side of the buildings and only saw a few stray ones. Anyway, there are photos on my camera that I don't remember taking, I have a strange bump on my forehead, a few bruises on my legs, terribly strained stomach muscles that ache when I laugh or cough, wind burn on my cheeks and lips, remember lying in the snow laughing like a maniac at 2am, passing out on the captain's bed at the after party and being practically carried back to my room by a much smaller first class girl.

When I woke up and got vertical I realised I'd lost my passport.

I'd managed to return with all my money, my drivers licence, my camera, tissues and room key, but the passport wasn't there. Damn Moscow and their weird rules about carrying passports in public. I had a vague recollection of emptying the pockets of the captain's jacket when I was leaving and called him sheepishly to ask if he had it. Luckily I'd dropped it in his room or left it in his pocket and all was good. I really didn't fancy getting stuck there.

Our first officer got jumped by three assholes in the hotel just after we all went back to our rooms. Most people walked each other back to their rooms to make sure we got there because we were all so smashed but Fred said he'd be fine and when he got out of the lift, three beefcakes approached him, slogged him a good one on the face and then kicked his arse. Literally. He has a boot imprint on his butt, a swollen bruised eye and a ripper bit of blood floating under the top layer of his eyeball. We called him Rocky for the rest of the flight home and I set him up with ice packs for his head. That made my windburn look fairly minimal. Beware when in Russia - no-one wanted to help him when he reported it to hotel security and it was clearly people staying in the hotel on his floor.

4.5 hours on the way home felt like I was flying to LA again. It just didn't seem like it was going to end. There were passengers demanding I put their bags in the overheads, others practically throwing their heavy fur coats at me and we had a train wreck of a passenger in first class who kept us amused for a while. She stank of hideous body odour and was just off her face. Kind of looked like Helena Bonham Carter when she's revived in Frankenstein but without the scars. Not pretty at all. Her hair was just as bad though! We called her crackhead and she had this crazy bird nest style hair that she kept fluffing and pulling at, putting her jacket on and taking it off again and scratching her arms. She was just as high as a kite. Pinging all around the cabin, driving us nuts and alternating between muttering like a mad woman and crying into a wad of tissues. Who knows what her parents thought of her! Glad I was working in the galley, my hangover stomach wouldn't have dealt well with how badly she smelt.

My new years resolutions have been made and at midnight-thirty after seeing in the new year I broke the first one. 12 hours later I broke the second one, so we're off to a racing start!

Happy New Years everyone, I hope you all had a wonderful time and have as many awesome booze fueled memories as I do. If you don't, check your cameras and I'm sure you'll find some dodgy and embarrassing photographic evidence of just how messy you all got!!!