Kids, don't try this at home....or if you do, don't let your siblings catch it on video...

Ok so while we're going nuts with the youtube clips, here are a few that just make me almost wet my pants every time I watch them. They're totally addictive, so you'd best practice your pelvic floor muscles for a few hours before hitting the repeat button over and over and over like I did....



But this one's just too funny....



Ok, so I know it's bad to laugh at people when they injure themselves....my Mum did teach me that as a young girl....but sometimes we just can't help ourselves....riiiiiight???

Getting trollied will not help you bag a trolley dolly...

So once again, my youtube loving/addicted beyond help flatmate Jena has come up with the goods.

Here I am sitting on my bed staring pathetically out my dust-streaked window hoping it'll snow and she's in the next room on her computer (where she's been all day) unearthing some serious treasures from her vast array of blogs and sites that she's more than dedicated to.

She found this pearler and I feel a need to share it with you all:



Readers, please take note of the instructions to ply your flight attendants with copious amounts of please and thank you. We LIKE, APPRECIATE and PREFER to hear these words come out of your mouths above all else. Remember that next time you fly....and don't be acting like these fools in the video below that my mate Jarad posted on fb recently:



The instruction of ''If you see my glass is empty, then bring it back to me full'' will not win you any friends....we'll be tempted to bring it back full alright, but full of things you don't want to know about.

My favourite line for today is...''accepting a glass of bubbly upon boarding is for giddy novices".

DISCLAIMER

The contents of this website are solely my own opinions, thoughts, feelings, observations, stories and travels. Photographs are mostly but not always my own and those that are not are most likely borrowed from Wikipedia, Google Images or someone who had a better camera than I did on the day in question. They do not in anyway correlate with or represent the company I work for, nor does the company endorse or have any association with this website.

Stories and people mentioned here are real. Some names, places and dates may have been changed. This website takes no responsibility for any actions or injuries resulting from reading this blog.

The Easy Way Out...

My girlfriends and I have noticed a startling phenomenon: men are strange creatures. No, this is not a recent revelation or a sudden epiphany, but a gradual dawning and behaviour that we've come to accept as normal in Dubai.



I'm sure you've all heard a similar story about the seemingly perfect couple who enjoy living in Dubai, the relationship gets serious, there's talk of a future together, children and marriage discussed, hinting at engagement rings and proposals and happily ever after....and then.....cue strange, eerie X-Files-esque music.....the guy freaks out, call everything off and delivers a LAME ARSE EXCUSE like "I can't be in a relationship right now, I need to focus on my career". Don't believe it? Yours truly was smacked disbelievingly in the face with that pearler 2.5 years ago.



I'm sure you're all thinking that his career must have been pretty important to break off a near-engagement, but we're not talking about a neuro-physicist, a high ranking UN official or even a lawyer - we're talking one of my own. That's right; I was inelegantly dumped by a 32 year old flight attendant who'd been in the company for 6 months. Talk about a punch in the guts when I heard he'd hooked up with a total floozy about a month after we split and that he's still with her despite the fact that she cheats, is completely incommunicado for about 98.9% of the time even though they're doing long distance and that he pays for everything, including all their overseas holidays.



There must be some truth to that old saying ''nice guys finish last'', and clearly the word 'guys' is interchangeable with 'girls'. Perhaps the lack of danger or bad boy/bad girl element is what makes us yearn for more? How exciting is the partner who loves you, cooks cupcakes or wants to take you out to dinner for no apparent reason compared to the ones who never call when they say they will, forget dates, run horrendously late, forget to tell you they don't want to be in exclusive relationships, that they have a girlfriend/boyfriend back in their home country or that they don't want to be ''tied down'' by the ''label'' of a relationship.

Hmmm, what a no brainer!

Why is it that the ones who we love the most hurt us the most? They say they'll never do anything to hurt us, but like a very dear friend of mine recently discovered, half carat earrings, meeting each other's parents and family, looking at real estate, talking about children's names and beginning conversations in front of her flatmates with ''when we get married'', or ''when we live in Sydney'' or ''when we're old and wrinkly and still in love'' really doesn't count for much when the interfering mother-in-law-to-be steps in and waves her evil wand.



How does a 42 year old man who clearly loves my friend to death, is the ultimate gentleman, appears to have this shit together and has established a successful career for himself think it's in any way appropriate to blurt out ''I just don't love you enough to marry you'' and call off their 16 month super-serious relationship? It's just not kosher. Or Halal, as would be the culturally appropriate saying in this part of the world.



I'm the kind of girl who has learnt from experience to value honesty and I know that sometimes people realise they don't want to be in relationships RIGHT NOW or don't love their partner enough to be together forever and that telling their other half is the right thing to do, but when what is said is clearly rubbish blurted out to disguise a lie is when I get my hackles up. What makes us chicken out about telling the truth to the one we thought we can tell anything? Fear that we'll REALLY hurt them, that hearing you don't want to be with them anymore could be made softer or easier to deal with? The truth always comes out in the end, so why not be bold and just spit it out at the beginning? Let me tell you, waiting 3 years to hear ''I just fell out of love with you'' sure is an anti-climax compared to all the crazy fatal-attraction theories you've cooked up in your heart-broken brain.







I recently read an article that called people suffering the completely unexpected break-up of their long-term relationships ''nearly-weds''. While many of their peers are married and engaged and having babies, these tormented souls are trying to make sense of no longer reading bridal magazines and planning their marital future, but are pondering why they're suddenly seated at the singles table at the weddings that could have been theirs.





Do people moan and groan about lies, unfaithful partners who let us down and break our hearts, create new buzz words such as ''nearly-weds'' to make themselves feel better? To convince themselves that Prince Charming really is out there, our one true soul mate? Why do we fool ourselves with becoming so pre-occupied with the tragedy of the situation that we can't see the obvious truth? That there are 6.76 billion people in the world and that this ONE person couldn't make them truly happy. They may have done bad things, treated us poorly or just not been a good 'fit' for us. Life is about adventure, self discovery and self respect. Work out what it is you really want and what you really deserve and don't settle for any less! We convince ourselves that we'll never feel like this about anyone else, that problems can be fixed and that things will all be fine if only....



I recently flew with a girl who was so fabulous I couldn't believe she was putting up with her deadbeat boyfriend. Tall, blonde and green eyed, she's an absolute stunner. Funny, smart and witty, she'd clearly make a great girlfriend. I think she even cooks. Her downfall? She fell in love with a guy who thinks it's ok to say ''I think you're great, but if you just lost 5kgs....'' and offered to pay for her to see a personal trainer!!!



I think my mouth fell open in shock when I heard that. What happened to loving someone for all their faults, the things about them that aren't perfect but make them THEM? We're conditioned to think that we should battle through the hard times and that it'll all be rosy. Nothing will ever be rosy if we sacrifice our self-esteem. What happens when the 5kgs are gone? People who criticise others will always find fault, no matter how perfect a thing or a person is. I really felt like telling her if she lost 95kgs in the form of her boyfriend she'd be much better off!!

After all, isn't beauty in our imperfections?

I'm the first to admit I'm not perfect and don't have the guts of steel I'd like to have. I'm ashamed to admit I once faked an asthma attack to avoid staying at the house of a guy I was seeing because I just wasn't into him anymore.

Why do we do this? To take the easy way out.

Dubai is SO HOT RIGHT NOW

That's right, but you probably didn't hear it here first. It's hot, BLOODY hot here in the sandpit lately. So far, the hottest day I was here for was a blistering 49 big ones. Naturally, I was holed up in my apartment, wondering who'd be stupid enough to go OUTSIDE in such weather.

Thankfully summer seems to be passing relatively quickly this year. It's already the 1st of August, which makes me happy, sad and nostaligic all at once.

Happy because it's beautiful Jena's birthday today and she's turning 30 all over again! Out all last night drinking bubbles, she'll no doubt drag herself out of bed soon looking like a glamazon after having her hair done last week. After her first salon adventure since 1997 (yes I'm SERIOUS)we hit Rocky B's for some free bullfrogs to celebrate her new look...she was smokin'!!!



A little sad because in 91 days I'll be 27. Ya huh, I don't really know how I feel about that number. When I turned 23 I had huge issues with letting go of 22. Fast forward a few years and being 25 was just awesome....staring down the barrel of 27 doesn't feel so good but I'm sure if it's another fun-filled year like the last one has been I'll be just fine and dandy.

Nostalgic because this is the first time Jena and I will celebrate birthdays without little Ashliegh. I did a Melbourne flight last month and caugth up with our lovely little munchkin and it was just wonderful to see her so settled and happy and loving life back at home. She has a gorgeous apartment, a super cute boyfriend and a job she really enjoys. She took me out for dinner at a mouth wateringly good Thai restaurant and we had drinks at the cutest little rooftop bar where the waitors are all dressed like 70's tennis players/porn stars. We sipped on hot punch-like stuff served out of teapots as we sat under a huge heater and snuggled into the little blankets we were given to keep warm.

Cocktails a few nights later at the Hilton with her and Mark and Renee (who've both resigned in the past few years) were fanastic and turned into a photo shoot...if I can track down some of the pics I'll post them. 5 strong Chambord cocktails and more than my share of a bowl of wedges later and I was simultaneously feeling ready to rock that town and also incredibly ready for snoozing.

I have always maintained that I am AWESOME at manipulating our swap system and can get pretty much anything I want. It's been crisis time for the last few months, with the system pretty much shitting itself and no-one being able to swap much at all. Add to that the rostering dudes feeling it was fair and decent to slam me with a selection of utterly revolting night-time turnarounds, I've been almost tearing out my very carefully maintained mane of hair.

Thankfully something seems to be going right and some lunatic sent me a swap last month for some flights so bad I don't even want to think about them. As I opened the swap I idly wondered what on earth anyone could have to offer ME for the load of rubbish I had. Stunned into silence (rare for me, I know!), I saw she was offering me a MELBOURNE trip. Not wanting to get too excited, I figured it wasn't legal and set about testing it....VALID. Well, let me tell you, I nearly wet myself with excitement and accepted immediately, lest she might realise how much of a nutter she was sending me such an awesome offer and recall it. It was approved instantly and I wooped with excitement around the apartment and then sent word to Ash that I'd be comin' to town.

As luck would have it, this month's roster for me is AWESOME. Well, it'd want to be, with me being on top bid, but you just never know. Usually on top bid I get hit with 5 night-time rubbish, joint rest day flights and I just want to sit in the corner and cry. I put my bids in and didn't expect much and was again too shocked for words to discover I'd been given the Brisbane flight I'd asked for, as well as a Hong Kong, 36 hour Mauritius AND a Houston. Only one pissy little turnaround and it's only 45 minutes each way so it SO doesn't even count.

Sadly, I didn't get the Melbourne that Jena and I both bid for so we could be in Melbourne for Ash's 30th b'day bash but Jena DID get a Melbourne earlier than the party and I've managed to swap my way onto it!! So, with two b'days this month, we'll have plenty to celebrate and chat about and drink about when we're all together as a trio again.

Oh, and Jena and I have NEVER flown together in almost 4 years....I'm senior to her as well....is it so bad to stick her with Duty Free since I absolutely despise it?

Just call it my belated b'day present to her...muhahaha!!!

I Love SARAH BLASKO

While listening to Triple J (Australian radio station) online the other day after the fab Jena showed me how to, I heard a few tracks by a fab singer called Sarah Blasko. She's their new feature album and I was so super impressed with her after just hearing 3 songs, that I immediately bought her new album As Day Follows Night on itunes.

I suggest all of you do the same!

Most of the reviewers on Triple J have given the album a 5/5 rating...so we know it's good. It's being described as "a percussive, delicate and ethereal collection of songs. equal parts whimsy and heartbreak, it's entirely captivating". Seriously, who can resist that??

There's also a super cute animated clip of her song No Turning Back on youtube that she's linked on her blog and I've attached it just below.



If you want some interesting radio to listen to instead of the pathetic English-induced-Dad-joke crap we have to put up with here in Dubai, go online and check out Triple J.

Honest, you'll thank me.

I'm a slack tart

Alright peeps, I'm back!!

I apologise for being such a slack tart of late, but SO MUCH has been happening and in typical style I've been distracted by all the commotion.

So I think my last post was all about Little Ash flying the coop. I'm so pleased to announce that she's happy and loved up and thoroughly enjoying things like drinking tap water, a full selection of amazing fresh produce at the local supermarkets and wintery weather in gorgeous Melbourne. I'm also super excited to announce that I'll be seeing her next week for another catch up and just can't wait. In breaking news, she's turning 30 at the end of next month and Jena and I have put our not-so-technical heads together and attempted to take the bidding system by storm to get a trip home TOGETHER for her celebrations.....this is the equivalent of winning the lotto, so fingers crossed!!

I feel like most of this year has been one long holiday, what with all the long haul trips I seem to be doing and all the leave I've had. I almost need another holiday to recover!!

I convinced my Mum to pop over in May for Mother's Day and accompany me to San Francisco for a week and we had a wow of a time. Then I popped home for a week in June and hung out with my family and reconnected with some awesome friends I haven't seen in years.

THEN I had a 1 day turnaround in the sandpit and flew all the way back to Brissie on a work trip, thought I got DVT and stocked up on so much fabric softener I thought I'd get arrested for carrying too much liquid!!

Seriously, there's just too much fun to be had around here.

Summer has set in and it's been so hideously hot I'm afraid I'll turn into a hermit. We've done a few buffets, rediscovered how awesome Rocky B's is and decided the only word to describe our behaviour following the ingestion of unlimited cocktails is TRASHTASTIC (patented to Jena). We've bought new dresses, had drinks spilt all over them, rocked out our huge bling rings and been asked if we were hookers.....it's been an action packed few months, that's for sure!!